Bonus points: apparently youlikedags is already a hashtag. Yesss…
Back on mood stabilizers. Setting up goals for what I want.
The long and short of it is that I have something I’m never going to let go of. And for the most part, I’m OK with that, because I am an adult and because what I’m clinging onto is a good thing. A wonderful thing, really.
I won’t go into too much detail, and even though I find myself failing at it lately, what brings me happiness is just knowing that those dear to me are safe, and in their own way, happy.
I will endeavor to this end, and to no other. Though at times it may seem as though I am preoccupied with work, or my own selfishness, ultimately it is so I can be strong enough.
That’s it, alongside a deep regret for being so terribly negative lately. You all deserve better.
Today I seriously just hate everyone to the point that it makes me sick. Everyone I deal with on a daily basis is just a toxic piece of shit, and if you’re not part of their shit army, they have to subvert you and convert you and walk all over you because they are truly the worst fucking beings in all of creation.
Therapy happened again. No pills or “you have X”, but got a lot of “yeah that’s not normal”. But that was usually in reference to the things that I thought were normal about me. Upshot: i feel really good about having done it. And there was a moment of nonjudgment in my life about something i feel very heavily judged.
Getting back into therapy. Partly because I’m a goddamn mess and a liability, and too old to be that kind of shit.
Also because I’m slowly learning that my personality quirks are actually symptoms of schizophrenia. Awesome.